What is Mediation?

My first blog for my new website was always going to be a challenge. What to write? What do people want to hear? What exactly is mediation? I was looking for an article that was published last year to simply copy and paste in here when I came across the wonderful LinkedIn post pasted below.

As a trainer who loves training and more importantly loves the people that want to train as volunteer community mediators, to receive this as feedback was mind-blowing to say the least.  We had a full room and everyone was there because they wanted the skills but had no idea what the skills were.

Community mediation sounds like something they want to learn about but none were prepared emotionally for the content. Practicing the skills are only a tiny part of the sessions, what takes up their emotional bandwidth is the case studies all taken from real life situations. Neighbours who have experienced conflict with each other can explode out of a street and into a school, a community and an entire estate.

Something as simple as a row about noise from children can escalate into adults attacking each other out on the street, police involvement and ASB orders. Children take the conflict with them and so it spreads in schools and parks. Housing officers and the police can't do much to sort it out as people are angry and want the other to be blamed, judged and prosecuted even. 

The normal outcome is more of the conflict and more people getting involved. For mediators ?  Well, we get called in once it has all "kicked off" and people are at their most resistant.  They don't want to talk to their neighbour, they don't want to be in the same room as them and they don't trust them to want to sort it out. So we are left struggling with people who are hurting, experiencing stress and anxiety but unable to agree to mediation. All our understanding and skills are  no good if we can't share them and help people to work out their issues. 

So what is the answer?

Simple!!!!!!  Call us in before the explosion, before things escalate, before the trust is shattered. But, for ever and a day I hear people asking me what is mediation?  Apparently,  its the best kept secret and most misunderstood intervention. If only we could spread the word, that mediation is about valuing people's experiences and their feelings, it helps people to get their valid points across in a safe way where the other person can hear it without feeling shamed or blamed.

Mediation is an informal process where we help people to think through win-win options that works for both parties. It leaves people feeling acknowledged, respected and cared for. It puts the decision making in their hands and agreements tend to be long-lasting as the people involved know what they need to feel that the issue has been resolved. 

Give mediation a chance, it just might be the solution you are so desperate for. 

I had the continued privilege of assisting Irene Grindell from Day 3 (16 June 2025) through to the final session on Day 8 (21 July 2025), delivering her signature Community Mediation Training Programme in London.

Irene’s devotion, passion, and brilliant methods in community conflict resolution are beyond words. The program also brought together an extraordinary group of delegates, each with a rich mix of cultures, life experiences, and an unwavering commitment to public good. I feel deeply grateful to have learned so much from them.

Here are the exceptional highlights of Irene’s training:

• Innovative Teaching Tools: Irene’s creative use of visual aids and physical props (e.g., the “responsibility ball”) made complex concepts such as personal triggers, emotional responsibility, and party dynamics both tangible and unforgettable.

• Masterful Introduction of Complex Concept: Irene’s masterful approach is to gently introduce a working exercise, allowing the process itself to lead delegates to powerful moments of self-awareness. Rather than teaching difficult concepts like assumptions, blame, and judgment theoretically, she creates an environment where delegates organically confront these ideas. This unique method helps delegates gain a deeper, more personal understanding of their own unconscious behaviours, biases, and beliefs, which is crucial for improving their communication with others and their practice in mediation.

• Diversity, Assumptions, and Nonviolent Communication (NVC) in Mediation Irène's training addresses the chaotic emotional dynamics common in community mediation. Her iconic character, "Sabrina," serves as an extreme example of emotional turbulence, a scenario rarely encountered in the commercial legal realm where feelings are often secondary to reasoning. This practical demonstration helps delegates confront their own triggers, which can be linked to early life experiences, and learn to navigate raw, emotionally entangled conflicts with skill and self-awareness.

• Diversity training is often complex and uncomfortable, but Irene’s delivery was one of the most thoughtful and effective I've encountered, especially when compared to my experience in the commercial legal world. She tackled the unspoken "elephants in the room" (e.g. age, gender, parenthood, and identity) with clarity and care. The rich cultural backgrounds of the delegates added depth to these discussions and made me more mindful of my own assumptions in mediation practice.

In summary: "To be a good mediator is more than having excellent communication skills and empathy. It requires openness to difference and to new ideas. For anyone seeking high-quality mediation training rooted in emotional intelligence and practical tools, Irene’s approach is a model to learn from."

By Minglei Wu Summer 2025